So, yeah. In 7th grade my "bosom" was more Great Plains
than Sierra Nevadas.
I'd been visited by the pimple fairy, the curvy hips fairy, the that-time-of-the-month fairy, the BO fairy, the hairy armpits fairy, but not the boob fairy. And I had PE every day. With boys. Boys with opinions. Boys with loud, obnoxious opinions. About girls. And their boobs or not-so boobs.
So one day I was up in my grandmother's attic, poking around all her old clothes. She'd gone to fashion design school and had tons of cool shoes, handbags, and amazing clothes.
I opened a drawer full of lacy underthings--silky slips, weird pantyhose with hooks and straps and stuff, and bras I could only dream of wearing (the boob fairy loved my grandma). But at the bottom of the drawer was a thick padded bra. It was kind of old, maybe a tad musty, but, hey, instant cleavage!
I whipped off my shirt and put it on. Wow! I looked amazing. I couldn't wait to show up for school on Monday with my new, improved figure. Yeah, I know, I didn't quite think the whole thing through. Flat on Friday, mounds on Monday...
So, I'm in PE--with all those boys, but I'm feeling pretty good in my snuggish white shirt and baggy blue shorts. And we're on the gym floor in rows doing push-ups. I hated pushups. I hate pushups even more now, but anyway...
The laughter. Big huge guffaw-ha-ha-ha-ha's. From those boys. It took me a few more pushups to clue into the whole, the laughter is coming from behind you, thing.
After all, I had boobs now. Yeah, boobs. Flapping against my sides. My ancient, hook-in-the-front, padded bra had come undone!
"Look! She's wearing a padded bra!" one of the louder, more obnoxious, but, yeah, cuter guys yelled.
I'll just let you imagine the humiliation of trying to re-hook an ancient padded bra while everyone else is moving on to sit-ups. And the boys (and plenty of girls) are still laughing. And the teacher is all, "Sydney, is there a problem?"
Yeah there's a problem!
So the boob fairy did eventually visit. But why couldn't she have come before I found that blippety-blippin' padded bra?